Doris Bersing, PhD
Blog

Empowering Women: Unlocking the Past, Embracing the Future in Women’s History Month

There are never enough opportunities to celebrate women, which is why Women’s History Month is so important; celebrating women is crucial, and yes, I know you might think, “another article about women?” and I say, yes, one encore! I am writing about women as a fellow woman, forever connected to the cause. While we should be recognizing and honoring women’s contributions all year round, March provides a special occasion to emphasize their significance in our society.

As someone who is constantly balancing advocating for women’s empowerment and creating a roadmap for aging well, I am fascinated by the resilience of forgotten role models who remind us that there is still work to be done and causes to contribute to. As old age begins to affect me, I find myself reflecting on the subject of older women. What is our place in society? What is our role? What is our responsibility and final vindication? I refuse to associate “old age” with anything negative or meaningless. I reject the idea that it is solely defined as “the declining years,” “senility,” “dotage,” or “senescence.” No, if my age is going to define me, it will be in terms of purpose, fulfillment, and vibrancy. It will be about growth, wisdom, power, and giving back to our community.

When I think about all the women who have inspired me – those I have loved, those who have loved me, those who have shared their stories, and those who have allowed me to witness their journeys – I realize that resilience is a crucial tool for achieving what can be called “successful aging.” The skills we honed during our rebellious years can still guide us on this new journey. As Gloria Steinem once said, “I have faith that with the aging of the baby boomers, that ‘wonderful, rebellious group, will redefined aging but for that they need to get over the hurdle of being terrified about getting old because if we’re fearing aging, we’re losing our greatest revolutionaries.” It is about conquering fear and trailblazing our path ahead. Using skills from the past and gaining awareness is a first step. However, wisdom and personal awareness do not automatically come with age or because of a passing calendar. Personal wisdom requires hard work – it involves introspection, growth, respect, and self-awareness. Achieving balance takes great personal effort, increasing levels of awareness, and an understanding of our own strengths and limitations.

Many women still desire to find a partner, to be protected, supported, and fathered. For some, staying at home and raising children is more important than pursuing a career. While this may be the right decision for some, gender inequality and a patriarchal power structure often prevent women from making an informed choice. Another challenge is that many women who fought for independence and self-sufficiency find themselves alone and unfulfilled, in part because they were unable to find a long-term partner who could live up to their standards of liberation. This has created a divide between strong women and comparatively weak men. Women striving to reclaim their role as wise women have challenged men in their traditional roles as kings and warriors, leading to a backlash from some men. Some lament the loss of the old ways, where men were hunter-warriors and women stayed home to take care of the family. However, every person is unique, and women should be free to choose their own path – whether it is that of a mother, warrior, crone, sage, medicine woman, or ruler; there is room for all of us, with our diverse aspirations and ambitions, in this world.

We require self-reflection and deep introspection in order to transform ourselves and discover our true calling. It is essential to refine our abilities, including resilience and determination. By actively listening to the experiences of older women, we can gain valuable insights into our strength, purpose, living in the present moment, and becoming the catalyst for change. One of my clients, Josephine, an older woman, imparted a significant lesson to me. She serves as living evidence that there is still immense beauty and awe to be found in our later years.even in the most challenging circumstances (Josephine was a resident in an assisted living facility, which is not always seen as a place of positive aging due to the often-rapid decline of its residents). Meet Josephine, here.

Josephine’s accounts of civil rights, equality, and women’s rights in the 1960s and 1970s resonated with my understanding of feminism. Despite not fitting my exact image of a feminist, her narrative sparked thoughts about challenges faced by aging women in a society that doesn’t value them. She showed a shift in the feminist movement from liberation to mentorship, offering opportunities for aging women who can remain active and vibrant, and giving back, even in old age.

Therefore, let us seize the opportunity of celebrating International Women’s Month to tap into the collective wisdom of women and allow it to guide us on a transformative journey of healing and growth. It is crucial for women of all races, gender expressions, sexual orientations, socioeconomic classes, religions, ethnicities, and ages to come together as a united force against the patriarchal idea that our value diminishes as we age. We must also address the unfortunate reality that some of us feel invisible in society.

Copyright NATIONAL WOMEN’S HISTORY ALLIANCE | 2023

In this pursuit, let us seek out our role models, our “Josephine(s)”, who inspire us with their writings, actions, and accomplishments. These role models are the ones we admire and look up to, as they embody the strength and resilience that we aspire to possess. By tapping into our inner crone and embracing her wisdom, we can redefine ourselves after 50, 60, or any age that represents this third and long phase of life. We can become teachers, role models, and sources of inspiration for future generations.

Together, as a diverse group of women, we can challenge societal norms, break free from the constraints imposed by ageism, and create a world where every woman is valued and respected, regardless of her age. Let us celebrate the beauty and wisdom that comes with age, and let it be a testament to the strength and resilience of women throughout history. By doing so, we can pave the way for a more inclusive and empowering future for all women. Are you ready?


It’s Leap Year! Take a Leap and Dare to Age Well.

The concept of aging well may seem puzzling – what exactly does it mean to age well? Is it about aging gracefully? It may appear unexciting, as striving to look younger or conforming to societal expectations based on age can be overvalued. Instead, perhaps we should focus on aging with purpose, finding happiness in the later years. Maybe grace, although it may sound pleasant, is not the solution. Heather Havrilesky once expressed in an article about aging well that she believes being powerful is more important than being graceful. She believes that aging gracefully requires constantly proving oneself against various challenges such as personal criticism, public humiliation, and a steady stream of negative comments. It also involves a slow deterioration of self-confidence and sudden shocks that can cause one’s illusions to crumble. However, she asserts that individuals should pursue their passions and be true to themselves, following their bold and unconventional impulses. Ultimately, the key to aging well is daring to live life on one’s own terms and by that token daring to age well.

Instead of persisting on the path of misogyny by trying to be a “nice lady” as we age, we can embrace and rejoice in the process of getting older by acknowledging the positive aspects of aging. While there may be difficulties to navigate with age such as physical weakness or fragility, it is important to face them with a positive attitude. This year let’s chart a path towards empowerment and redefine what it means to age well for ourselves as older women and defy societal expectations about aging. Let us also discover the resilience and confidence within us to age gracefully and optimistically. As we embrace the concept of leap year, let’s explore some tips for taking a leap towards aging well. Do at least one courageous thing this year to make you more interesting to yourself — and to others! Start with one of these suggestions:

  • Create a space for yourself (it could be just carving out some time for just YOU! Self-care, reading, taking a bubble bath, going to the hair salon. Step out of your comfort zone and try something you’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance. It could be learning a musical instrument, taking up painting, or even traveling to a new destination. Embracing new experiences can help maintain cognitive function and promote personal growth.
  • Nourish your mind and book a full hour with your counselor or psychotherapist to explore new ways to reinvent yourself. Allow space to dive deeper into your emotions and give yourself permission to feel. Leap year serves as a reminder that change is possible, at any age, and that personal growth should be an ongoing journey. Whether it’s overcoming fears, facing adversity, or pursuing lifelong dreams, leap year encourages us to take a leap of faith and believe in our ability to grow and evolve.
  • Go out with an old friend, with no-agenda. Just to share time, space, and being. Maintaining strong social connections is crucial for overall well-being. Try to nurture existing relationships and forge new connections. Spending time with other people can prevent you from feeling lonely or anxious and can provide a sense of belonging and contribute to a happier and more fulfilling life.
  • Join a dating online platform if looking for a companion or if you are single, divorced, or bereaved and would like to meet someone, (If not computer savvy, take a FREE course at your local library, no excuses! When finding your candidate, legend has it that Saint Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, granted women the right to propose to men on leap day, leading to the tradition of women proposing on February 29th, so go for it.
  • Engage as a volunteer at a preferred organization in your community. There are countless ways for older adults to get involved and make a positive impact through volunteering. Just few options are: mentoring and tutoring—using the tricks of the old dog, participating in local charity events, offering your skills and expertise to nonprofit organizations, engaging in community service projects like serving meals at a soup kitchen or organizing recreational activities for seniors.
  • Stay Active—and this does not mean joining, one more time, a gym, it means just to move, to engage in regular physical activity that suits your abilities and interests. This could be anything from walking, swimming, yoga, dancing, gardening, going up and down the stairs, walk to the store, do yard work, clean your house, or dancing, just keep on moving!
  • If you find that you are no longer able to do the things you used to do, try to develop new hobbies and interests (learn a language, take on playing an instrument, create new dishes in the kitchen. Whatever can rock your boat and gives you joy is IN! Pursue your passions.
  • Finally, do not procrastinate your health care and make this leap year, the one to repeat a full check-up. Make the most of your doctor. Everything taking care of yourself goes, after all why not devoting, simply, this year to love yourself more?

If in need of some inspiration, read what 100 centennials can say about living and aging well.

Among other things, they suggest you “… Keep your eyes open, never stay stuck in the past, , leap into the future, … and dance while you still can… ”


The Value of Older Women in Society: Embracing Wisdom and Redefining Roles.

Most of my patients are older adults, vibrant retirees, eager to make the most of their newfound freedom and explore new passions. Others are empty nesters, adjusting to the bittersweet reality of having their children leave home. And then there are the baby boomers, who are facing the challenges of aging with determination and a desire for continued personal growth. As society continues to prioritize youth and marginalize seniors, it is important to recognize the unique value that older women bring to the table. Baby boomer women, who grew up during the feminist movement of the sixties and seventies, have fought for equal rights and challenged negative stereotypes. However, they now find themselves in a world that often overlook their contributions.

Image by Freepik

The Challenges of Aging and Remembering the Legacy of the Women’s Movement

As women age, they face unique personal challenges that raise profound questions about their roles in society. The traditional goals of reproduction and child-rearing are no longer applicable, and careers may be in the past. Many older women find themselves in limited identities, such as caring for grandchildren or fulfilling caregiving roles for family members. For those who have spent a lifetime trying to make a difference, these limited roles can be difficult to bear.

Many of them fought the battles undertaken by the women’s  movement of the sixties and seventies and laid the foundation for generations of activists dedicated to equal rights, reproductive freedom, LGBTQ+ rights, anti-ageism, and more. From the civil rights movement to the shelter movement, older women have been influenced by these struggles and the impact of these movements on older women and their social influence in our social fabric cannot be ignored.

We question how the women’s movement has affected women of age. The women who took what they learned as activists in the civil rights movement and applied it to the rampant sexism of the civil-rights and black-power movements – who participated in the first sweeping consciousness-raising process that Bettina Aptheker called “learning to name our oppression” – these women are still too young to have been included in Coming of Age. But that phase of the women’s movement spawned two generations of equal rights, abortion rights, lesbian and gay rights, anti-ageism, and AIDS activists; a devoted, beleaguered army of caretakers of abused women and children in the shelter movement; and labor groups such as the CLUW and Women in the Trades, to name only a few “special interest” groups. Many old women, someplace along the line, have been affected by those struggles. In a youth-oriented society, aging women are often seen as invisible and diminished. The physical signs of aging, such as dry skin and wrinkles, are contrasted with the societal ideals of youth, beauty, vitality, and accomplishment. Jean Shinoda Bolen, a Jungian psychotherapist, aptly stated that becoming an older woman in a youth-oriented patriarchy is to become invisible, a nonentity. The “aging” woman, with her dry skin and wrinkled body, does not represent the pretty, sexy, vital, or accomplished; she is considered to be in her dimmed time. Jungian psychotherapist and author Jean Shinoda Bolen have said, “In a youth-oriented patriarchy, especially, to become an older woman is to become invisible: a nonentity.” Or, as historian Bettina Aptheker said in a public lecture of older people, especially women, “We’re either invisible, or we’re in the way.”This perception raises questions about the future and value of older women in society.

Elderly women today face personal challenges, triggering some profound questions–among them: What is their role as they age? Reproduction is no longer a goal; nor is raising children. If they had a career, it is in the past, or nearly so, and they feel they need something different but what?. Traditional roles for midlife or older women, such as caring for grandchildren or caregiving for a husband or other family member–are still common for women; these limited identities may be difficult to bear for those who spent a lifetime trying to make a difference. Needless to say that some of us, still are battling “those dragons” as Studs Terkel said when dedicating his book, Coming of Age, that we face when dealing with our own  “dark night of the soul”. We perceive this phase, often, as an explosion of a deep sense of meaninglessness. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything, one feels unvalued and drifting without a clear intention.

Then, what’s the future for this woman? What role should aging women play in our society? In a society where ageism and feminism are prevalent, it becomes crucial to address the future of older women. Empowering older women is not just about breaking barriers and changing stereotypes, but also about recognizing their immense value and contributions. As we strive for equality, it is essential to create opportunities that allow aging women to continue making a difference in various spheres of life. By embracing their wisdom, experience, and unique perspectives, society can benefit tremendously from the guidance and mentorship of these trailblazing women. It is time to challenge societal norms and ensure that older women are given the respect and platform they deserve to continue shaping our future.

Embracing Wisdom and Redefining Roles

While society may overlook the value of older women, there is a wealth of wisdom and experience that comes with age. Older women have lived through significant social changes and have valuable insights to offer. Their experiences can serve as a guide for younger generations and contribute to the collective wisdom of society.

Instead of accepting limited identities, older women have the opportunity to redefine their roles in society. They can break free from societal expectations and explore new avenues for personal growth and fulfillment. Mentoring younger individuals, engaging in community activism, pursuing creative endeavors, and advocating for causes they are passionate about are just a few examples of how older women can contribute to society. By reinventing themselves and using their wisdom to create and enrich the next generations of fighters, they could play a crucial role in enhancing our communities and, by the same token, value their background and history.  Creating intergenerational relationships, and connections with younger individuals, older women can pass on their wisdom, share their experiences, and bridge the generation gap. These relationships benefit both parties, as younger individuals gain valuable insights while older women remain engaged and connected to the world around them.

Overcoming Ageism and Unleashing Your Power

Ageism is a pervasive issue that affects older women disproportionately. By challenging ageist stereotypes and advocating for equal treatment, older women can create a more inclusive society. Recognizing the contributions of older women and providing them with opportunities for continued growth and participation will help combat ageism. Older women need to be seen and heard in all aspects of society. Media, advertising, and popular culture should reflect the diversity of women of all ages. By showcasing the accomplishments and stories of older women, society can break free from the narrow focus on youth and celebrate the contributions of all individuals. Representation matters!

Older women have played significant roles in shaping society and continue to have much to offer. It is essential that we recognize their value, embrace their wisdom, and provide opportunities for them to redefine their roles. By challenging ageist stereotypes, fostering intergenerational relationships, and designing new spaces and opportunities for older women to be part of our communities, we can create a more inclusive and equitable society that appreciates the unique contributions of older women. Let us celebrate their accomplishments and ensure that their voices are heard and valued in a space and time where age does not limit one’s potential or worth. By empowering older women, we can collectively work towards a more equitable and progressive society for all.


How to Thrive as Empty Nesters: Embracing a New Chapter of Life

As a childless auntie, I may not have firsthand experience with the joys and challenges of raising children, but I can certainly empathize with my sister as she experiences the mixed emotions  that come with witnessing her beloved child, my one and only nephew, finally leave the nest and venture off to college. It’s a rollercoaster ride, isn’t it?

On one hand, you can’t help but feel proud and happy as you watch them embark on this exciting new phase of their lives. You are filled with delight at the thought of the incredible opportunities that await them, the friendships they will form, and the knowledge they will acquire. It feels like watching a baby bird take its first flight, except with a lot more textbooks and late-night ramen noodle meals, and a larger tuition bill. But let’s be honest here, my friends, despite wanting to believe that you are all sunshine and rainbows when your children fly away, there is also a hint of sadness beneath your cheerful facade. Suddenly, your homes feel empty, silent, and dare I say it, from my sister’s perspective…tidier?

Entering the empty nest phase marks a profound life trajectory shift. As your children embark on their independent journeys, an exciting opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth awaits you. Empty nesters can embrace and maximize this transformative phase, turning it into a time of flourishing and newfound fulfillment.

Discover New Interests

Empty nesters often find themselves with more free time than they’ve had in years. Embrace this newfound freedom by exploring new passions and interests. Now is the perfect time to engage in activities you’ve always wanted to try, whether it’s taking up painting, trying out a new sport, or delving into the world of crafts. These are the hobbies that may have taken a back seat during the busy parenting years.

Online Learning for Career Advancement

When contemplating career advancement, consider the benefits of online learning. Pursuing specialized degrees, such as cybersecurity, can significantly enhance your skill set and pave the way for exciting professional opportunities. Online programs offer the flexibility needed to effectively balance your current responsibilities with your educational pursuits, ensuring a seamless path to career growth. Moreover, cybersecurity is one of the most in-demand fields today, and understanding how computers and network systems function equips you to help countless businesses and individuals.

Prioritize Your Social Life

Strengthening your social bonds is crucial during this phase of life. Make an effort to reconnect with friends and family members who may have taken a back seat during the parenting years. Join clubs or groups aligned with your interests to meet like-minded individuals who share your passions. Actively seek out opportunities to expand your social circle. Nurturing these connections can provide support and enrich your life in countless ways.

Engaging in a vibrant social life can be incredibly fulfilling for empty nesters, providing an opportunity to not only reconnect with friends, but also to forge new connections and explore exciting activities together.

Help Others and Give Back

Contributing to your community or causes you’re passionate about can be incredibly fulfilling during the empty nest phase. Utilize your experience and skills to make a meaningful difference. Whether it’s mentoring, organizing events, or supporting local charities, volunteering benefits others and brings a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Remember that volunteering is about helping others, but that doesn’t mean you won’t benefit from it as well. Helping to improve the lives of others has a way of boosting our own well-being.

This is true as well for retired older adults and middle-aged women, who have the unique opportunity to not only reinvent themselves but also inspire and guide younger generations by being mentors, leveraging their wealth of life experience and wisdom.

Spend Quality Time with Loved Ones

As your children venture into adulthood, cherish your moments with them. Reconnect with your life partner and create opportunities for quality time together. Consider hosting family gatherings to foster a sense of togetherness. Embrace the joy of spending time with grandchildren and extended family members, nurturing those precious family bonds that will bring you fulfillment and happiness.

Transform Your Living Space

Empty nesters often find themselves with extra space and resources. Use this opportunity to elevate your living space to new heights. Whether it’s renovating a room, crafting a comfortable and stylish environment, or personalizing your home to reflect your individuality, investing in your living space can enhance your daily life and make your home a sanctuary of comfort and creativity.

Opt for Mindfulness

Prioritize self-care and mental wellness during the empty nest phase. Explore wellness practices such as meditation, yoga, or mindfulness to bring a sense of calm and balance to your life. This phase offers the time and space to focus on your well-being, and by doing so, you can enhance your overall quality of life. Take stock of your blessings, practice gratitude, and spend more time in the present moment, fully embracing the opportunities that lie ahead.

Embrace New Beginnings

The phase of the empty nest is a thrilling and transformative chapter in life. It offers a chance to reinvent oneself and establish a gratifying, purpose-driven existence beyond parenthood. Embrace the possibilities that come with this new chapter and make the most of this exhilarating stage in life. With the right mindset, you can flourish as an empty nester and uncover a fresh sense of fulfillment and happiness.

Although, you may find yourself missing the sound of your children’s laughter, the chaos they brought into your lives, and even their irritating habit of leaving dirty socks strewn about–who would have imagined that one would yearn for those little irritations? Yet, it is in these moments of longing that you truly comprehend the immense love and joy your children brought into your lives. So, as we bid them farewell and watch them embark on this thrilling journey, let us cling to the memories and cherish the time we spent together. And who knows, maybe one day we will even long for those dirty socks.


Getting Older? Do not Downsize but Upsize with Mindfulness

 

 

You know how they say seniors should downsize and simplify things, like moving to a smaller house or senior community? After working in senior care, I know from experience that downsizing is the good choice for many but here’s a thought – why not upsize, making it bigger and larger by introducing positive changes? Mindfulness can totally transform your daily life.

Mindfulness techniques such as meditation, Qi Gong, and gratitude exercises have been scientifically proven to enhance cognitive function and promote overall well-being in older adults. These practices can also help reduce negative emotions such as loneliness, depression, and anxiety.

Research shows that using mindfulness, as easy as focusing on your breathing and paying attention to the present moment — two things you can do anywhere and at no cost—can improve your overall physical and mental well-being. Therefore, infusing mindfulness into activities such as creating art, being outdoors, working out, or moving for fun or just moving around, going on with your daily routine can transform the experience for the better. Furthermore, it has been noted that there is a modest yet progressively growing body of evidence indicating that integrating regular meditation into one’s daily routine may potentially decelerate the aging process, particularly at a cellular level.  (Check out the piece featured in The Guardian about the positive impact of meditation on cellular aging).

Alright, I‘m convinced that seniors would really benefit from practicing mindfulness, so here‘s a few tips to get them going.

Embrace Nature’s Palette 

Nature offers a rich tapestry for mindfulness. Spend time outdoors, fully immersed in the natural world. Notice the details — the intricate patterns of leaves, the ever-changing canvas of the sky, the melody of bird songs. This connection fosters a deep sense of tranquility and mindfulness. Let this immersion in nature be a reminder of life’s simple beauty and the rhythm of the natural world.

Discover Art Mindfully

Art offers a unique path to mindfulness. Engage with art, whether in your home or at a gallery, with full attention. Notice the colors, the textures, the emotions it evokes. This mindful exploration can deepen your emotional connection to the world around you. Allow yourself to be lost in the artwork, finding new perspectives and insights with each viewing.

Listen with Intent

Music becomes a powerful tool for mindfulness, even assisted living facilities are encouraging the practice of mindfulness, when listened to with intent. Notice the blend of instruments, the rhythm, the emotions it stirs within you. This practice can be a profound source of relaxation and self-reflection, transforming the listening experience. As you listen, let the music wash over you, becoming fully absorbed in the sonic journey it offers. Mindfulness is not a distant concept reserved for quiet meditation rooms; it is a vibrant, accessible practice that can be integrated into the fabric of our everyday lives. By consciously choosing to be present in our routine activities, we open ourselves to a world of calm, clarity, and connection. The journey to mindfulness begins with a single, intentional step — a step towards a more aware, peaceful, and fulfilling life.

Moving Mindfully

When it comes to exercising, walking, and more, mindfulness can help you to seize the activity, and enjoy your life, fully. Bob says, mindful physical activity — whether yoga, running, or simply stretching — can dramatically enhance your awareness. Thus, pay close attention to each movement, the flow of your breath, the sensations in your body, just walk slowly and deliberately, paying attention to each step and the sensations you experience. Focus on your own movement and the sensation of the ground beneath you, and the sounds of nature around you.. Hey, taking a mindful stroll not only makes you feel refreshed and calm, but it also counts as a light exercise and a way to stay flexible and mobile.

Design an Inspirational Visual

Elevate your meditation environment by crafting a personalized inspirational poster. Select an online template that resonates with you and make it uniquely yours. Add your own text and photos to infuse it with personal significance, creating a visual symbol that anchors you in your mindfulness journey. This tailored piece serves as a daily reminder of your dedication to the practice of awareness. This visual creation not only beautifies your space but also serves as a constant source of motivation and reflection.

For those who enjoy “surfing” the webthere is a wealth of articles and advice on how to cultivate mindfulness.  Discover a more tranquil and mindful way of living with the help of 21 Mindfulness Activities For Seniors & Older Adults published by the Mindfulness Box. One of those are published by the Mindfulness Box as that can help you navigate your path to a more peaceful and mindful life. Learning to be mindful could really help old folks deal with all the tough parts of getting older and make them feel better both physically and mentally.


Evolving laws create new psychedelic opportunities for seniors

During my search for insights on the use of psychedelics in promoting mental well-being, I learned there has been a significant increase in the amount of favorable attention given to psychedelics as a potential remedy for a wide range of psychological disorders through various media outlets.

Studies on the use of Psychedelics  like psilocybin, ketamine and MDMA are at the forefront of pioneering treatments for depression, PTSD, cancer, and other disorders. The emotional impact of cancer patients, who participated  in clinical trials and received psilocybin-assisted therapy  for extreme depression and demoralization is particularly profound.

While describing their “journeys”,  they frequently share a profound experience of boundless love, forgiveness, and resolution of traumas carried throughout their lives. Positive transformations have permanently impacted their remaining days, months, and years.

As we grow older, we may find ourselves reflectingdelving into spirituality, and seeking purpose; a carefully crafted psychedelic trip can address all of those factors.  For a whole cohort of aging baby boomers, the chance to partake in a psychedelic ceremony  has the potential to revolutionize our perspectives on aging and mortality. It may be time to reconsider our views on psychedelics. Abby Rosner stays on her article Are Hallucinogens for You? how ” a changing legal landscape opens psychedelic opportunities for older adults…”. I also chanced upon a compelling article from The Guardian that was passed along by a colleague. The topic of Shayla Love’s “Long-lost Best Friends” and the impact of psychedelics on the longevity movement caught my eye. Learn about the compelling correlation between psychedelics and aging as the article delves into the world of individuals who are turning to these substances for their anti-aging and mental health benefits.

Psychedelics can be safely administered to healthy adults but  The American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, on its article  The Safety and Efficacy of Psychedelic-Assisted Therapies for Oldr Adults: Knowns and Unknowns “calls for caution”…However, both psilocybin and MDMA can increase blood pressure and heart rate, which could be a concern if used in older adults with cardiovascular disease. Very few older adults or patients with serious comorbidities have been included in clinical trials of psychedelics to date, raising the question of how generalizable study results are for the patients that most gero-psychiatrists will be treating…” The potential benefits of psychedelic compounds for older adults are significant, but more research is needed to ensure they are safe and effectiveespecially for those with multiple health challenges. While aging can be a challenge, those who embrace it with courage will find limitless opportunities.

 


Ageism and Sexism

We Need A New Paradigm for Old-er Women.

Ageism

I was stunned when Debbie—my 67-yer-old client, who has one Ph.D. in American history and a JD—told me that her contract as full-time faculty at a local law school had not been renewed. She is vivacious, energetic, intelligent, and adored by her students. I asked immediately, why? She has always told me she was on the “retire-at-85” plan and as far as I knew, Academia is supposed to be a world of respect and knowledge; a place where attaining knowledge and wisdom are regarded as the ultimate achievements. Nonetheless, Debbie told me she was forced into retirement! Debbie had spent 25 years of her life as a professor for several graduate and law schools, during which time she had received many awards for research and groundbreaking work. Now, she said “retirement has been forced on me, and my courses have been assigned to young-er faculty members, who are less expensive. For the first time, I have faced ageism as never before, and it is not a theoretical concept, anymore. It is real.” She, too, was shocked.

Yes indeed, ageism –although an old paradigm—is still in full force, current and pervasive permeating all layers of our society. Perhaps it is time to kick this new old paradigm with its ill-fated consequences for our society’s well-being to the curb and embrace a different more optimistic, engaging, and active paradigm of aging: one that does not fear aging but embrace it as a very meaningful and with a great potential phase of life.

Sexism

Like we did not have enough with the ageism in our culture, we also need to face Sexism.  The prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, against women, on the basis of sex, is a fact very well known on all fronts of society and affects women of all walks of life. Instances of sexism are experienced by our mothers, sisters, daughters, granddaughters, and all women and girls around the world. It is one of those phenomena would like to have the exclusivity of it but it is not like that. It is pervasive and perverse all around the world.

Sexism is based on the prejudice and extensive generalization that there is something faulty in women and it continues to impede women from their rights to grow and thrive in our society. Perhaps we are not as pretty and firm as we were when young-er but seasoned –or spicy, hot women—had fought for equality, diversity, had raised their self-esteem, run for public office. They have shaved off their internalized ageism and are ready to venture into new characters, created new connections, and created a new wave of accomplished women who give us the inspiration we need to live as first-class citizens and make our golden years shine and count, and do what needs to be done.

Not all of us get to that place and nevertheless, it is worth trying. A place where we can branch out, revolt, or go quietly happily ever after about life. Whatever works for you do it with gusto! Let’s this new woman be at the top of the hill and not over the hill. She can change her image of a raggedy crone to the one of mentor. to be proud and loud.

As many of us who are undertaking the journey through the uncharted land, we become pioneers with no maps but following our moral compass to be the best we can be. Being the eternal optimistic and positive thinker, she is, at 80 Ms. Steinem finds herself more productive and at peace than ever.  “…A dwindling libido, she theorized, can be a terrific advantage: “The brain cells that used to be obsessed are now free for all kinds of great things…” 


Marcel Proust on Memory and Coming Out

Who is afraid Of Marcel proustMarcel Proust, a  XX century famous writer, author of a masterpiece, In Search of Lost Time, brings to my attention the phenomenon of forgetfulness sometimes attached to the epidemic of dementia.  In Search of Lost Time, is one of Proust’s renowned creations (À la recherche du temps perdu published in seven volumes, previously translated as Remembrance of Things Past) (1913–1927).

In this work, Proust recounts his experiences  while growing up, participating in society, falling in love, and learning about art. He also discusses  memory, separation anxiety, the role of art in life, and homosexuality at length. He described many of the instances of Déjà vudéjà vécu effects and other phenomena related to memory. Proust shows the similarity between the structures and mechanisms of the human mind related to unfinished business and psycho-dynamic  principles he talks about, even without knowing or reading Freud.In this creation, Proust also speaks extensively in this book about the challenges of homosexuality, internalized homophobia, and the challenges of coming out as a homosexual.  Although Proust was gay, he had ambivalent feelings around coming out.

Proust stresses those challenges of being and living as homosexual in a society that des not understand or accept it. Identifying oneself as part of the LGBT group is not always easy or welcoming the way we would wish it to be. Although many people find that coming out is a positive experience, coming out has its challenges and it could have both a positive and a negative impact on the person’s life. It could affect the individual’s family relationships, social relationships, school, or work. Some LGBT people fear negative reactions, rejection and upsetting people they are close to. In many parts of the world strong cultural attitudes and discriminatory laws make coming out even harder. In USA things have changed legally, lately but at a personal level, there are still fears and internalized feelings of homophobia.

In a review by Edmund White for the New York Times, he states that among writers, the twentieth-century novelist they most admired–and who they thought would have the most enduring influence on the next century–was Marcel Proust.

An interesting take on Proust’s stance on memory is performed by  James Keller  a San Francisco Bay Area artist, who guides the audience through the seven volumes of  this Marcel Proust’s great 20th century novel, IN SEARCH OF LOST TIME, about the importance of memory and forgetting, using 180 slides and music as part of the narrative in a virtuoso performance which John Lahr (senior drama critic of The New Yorker magazine) called, “A tour de force” and also, has said that “James Keller is the most well-read person I know.”

One of the big accomplishments of In Search of the lost time, is Proust’s position about the impossibility to recover the time we lose, the forfeiture of innocence through experience, the emptiness of love and friendship, the vanity of human endeavors, and the triumph of sin and despair; but Proust’s conclusion is that the life of every day is supremely important, full of moral joy and beauty, which, though they may be lost through faults inherent in human nature, are indestructible and recoverable.

In a personal level, one of Proust’s marvels as a writer was projecting  his own homosexuality upon his characters, treating them, as well as snob, vane, and cruel, but able to love even if considered it as a sin.

Just food for thought in some of Proust’s  famous and inspiring quotes are:

  • The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes.
  • Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
  • If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time.

How to Save Your Closest Relationships During a Stressful Self-Isolation

No matter how well your family gets along under normal circumstances, spending more time at home together amid a global pandemic has likely put your relationships to the test. All that extra time in close quarters can not only lead to strained relationships but also physical, mental, and emotional health challenges for everyone, and more so for seniors. With that said, there are plenty of ways that you can relieve any ongoing tension and reduce the stress in your home. Few things you can do to preserve and strengthen your relationships during this time of crisis.

Seek guidance.

None of us is above getting help when we need it. If you and/or other family members are dealing with depression, anxiety, chronic stress, or other mood-related issues, it’s essential to get help. Whether it’s scheduling an appointment with a therapist or working with a health coach, help is out there for the taking. Depending on your family circumstances, you may even need to work with a mediator. Families with divorced parents might be experiencing a more significant toll right now. Norman Spencer, Ph.D. says that regardless of the situation, taking steps toward improving your physical, mental, and/or emotional health will pay off for you and everyone around you. And the benefits will carry over well past the pandemic.

Freshen up your living space.

 Oftentimes, your environment is a contributor to tension and stress. For example, if you notice people in your household criticizing one another, arguing, or complaining more than usual, take a close look at your living space. Is it dirty? Is it messy? If so, take steps to fix it. Declutter your entire home room by room, getting rid of any items that you don’t want or need. Deep clean your home from top to bottom. Make sure you are changing your air filters, put out some air-purifying houseplants, and take other steps to improve the indoor air quality of your home. Maintaining a clean living space can do wonders for relieving tension and stress.

Plan outdoor activities.

Another way that you can improve your overall health and well-being and foster the relationships in your household is to spend more time together outdoors. Over the past several decades, children and adults alike have been spending less time in nature.

However, the good news is that there are many outdoor activities that will allow you to unplug and reduce stress. Whether it’s setting up games in the backyard, hiking in the wilderness, or planning a weekend beach trip, getting out in the sun together may prove to give your family the boost of health and joy that you need.

Connect with other seniors, help in the community, reach out.

As Bob Shannon, from Seniors Meet, says: people of a certain older generation should get together and chat about the stuff their kids have no interest in.

On the other hand, it is not only self-agency but as a society, there is the level of social responsibility and action that can take place vis-à-vis the consequences of this pandemic around seniors. Support for older people, their families, and their caregivers is an essential part of the countries’ comprehensive response to the pandemic. The World Health Organization-Europe, states that “dissemination of accurate information is critical to ensuring that older people have clear messages and resources on how to stay physically and mentally healthy during the pandemic and what to do if they should fall ill”.

Give each other grace.

Finally, remember that this continues to be a stressful time for pretty much everyone. For a year and a half plus, everyday routines were upended for countless households across the country (and the entire world). And spending more together with other people is a breeding ground for tension and stress. But just because you and your family are having problems doesn’t mean that they can’t be fixed with a little work and determination. A piece of advice from ZenBusiness’s article on stress management for business owners translates well here — Everyone in your household should make a list of their stress triggers. That way they know exactly what can send them spiraling and take steps to avoid or walk away from situations where they know they could lose their cool.

And as we move forward and (hopefully!) fully emerge from the pandemic, make a point to show grace, patience, and understanding to one another, even when you don’t feel like it. And each of you will benefit both in the short term and long term.

Don’t let the COVID-19 pandemic continue to negatively impact your closest relationships. Remember to consider seeking professional help, clean up your home, get outside, and cut each other some slack, reach out to your community centers, start new zoom-classes when possible and talk to your friends about it, reach out, and with focused efforts, our relationships will begin to become stronger than ever.

 


Tackling Daily Life: How to Help a Senior Loved One After the Death of a Spouse

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When your spouse dies, your world changes. You are in mourning, feeling grief and sorrow at the loss.  The National Institute of Health had found that “…you may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. You may feel guilty for being the one who is still alive. At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you…” Death of a spouse at any age is a life-shattering experience. In addition to psychological impacts such as depression, grief can have physical consequences such as sleeplessness and loss of appetite. It is important to know that these feelings are normal and expected, although they manifest in different ways in different people. Grieving does not come on one size-fits-all.  Although with a great impact for anybody, losing a spouse or significant other is more devastating for seniors.

For seniors, bereavement can have a devastating effect on their immune system and cause them to lose interest in their own care. This may in part explain why many seniors experience a severe decline in health or even pass away shortly after the loss of a spouse. For some, the death of a loved one can result in stress cardiomyopathy, often referred to as “broken heart syndrome”. but for seniors who have depended on each other for years, the loss can feel beyond overwhelming. “Losing a spouse is a trying time in many aspects but it can bring also some positive aspects if we can see it that way, says Bob Shannon (*) founder of  SeniorsMeet.org.

Some new facts will settle in and become new realities, some challenges but also some new learning experiences that can speak to the old saying of seeing a glass half full or half empty. The financial aspect is a very important one to look at when speaking challenges. After a spouse’s death, it quickly becomes apparent just how fragile your senior loved one is, financially speaking showing as inability to handle bills and less independence in in accomplishing activities of daily living.

Decreased Independence

It is natural for health problems to arise as we age such as arthritis, low muscle strength, balance issues, and vision problems – some of which may require medication. When two people live together, help is never more than a shout away, and typically one person finds themselves reminding the other to take their medicine. Now that your loved one lives alone, that security blanket has been ripped away, leaving you to constantly worry. You may find yourself making daily phone calls or trips to check in. In some cases, your loved one may be the one making the calls, as this new world is overwhelming. It becomes a balancing act of helping out as much as possible, but also knowing when to take a step back.

If your senior loved one prefers to continue living alone, consider making helpful alterations. Simple home modifications such as stair railings, bathroom grab bars, ramps, or removing any tripping hazards will increase the safety of the home. Install a home monitoring system so your loved one can quickly and easily call for help, giving you both peace of mind.

Should your loved one have mobility issues that limit their ability to take care of household upkeep and maintenance, help them connect with professionals who can handle necessary tasks. Whether it’s having the gutters cleaned, windows repaired, lawn care, house cleaning or any other type of service, experts with top ratings and stellar reviews will give you both peace of mind. For example, many gutter cleaning companies commonly offer a discount for senior citizens. A search on Angie’s list on the topic will yield a lengthy list of professionals, some of whom may even offer specials. Having a dedicated spot to find experts ensures you both find the right people for the job.

A positive aspect: The glass half full.

While it may sound odd, the death of a spouse creates a learning experience. For example, one spouse may have never written a check or paid a bill, as their partner handled all financial obligations. In some cases, the surviving spouse doesn’t know how to cook or drive a car. All the new responsibilities can become overwhelming, but technology makes learning new tasks and skills a breeze.

Encourage your loved one to take a class at a senior center or sign up for senior classes at your local college or university. If your loved one isn’t already tech-savvy, persuade them to take a computer class to learn the basics. They can use their new skills to keep in touch with friends and family via email or social media, keep updated on local and global news, or search the Internet for whatever their heart desires, such as a new recipe for banana bread.

Don’t forget about basic tasks too. Your loved one will have to learn to take care of themselves, and this includesbasic needs such as eating right, adequate sleep, and socializing. So encourage them to stay active and healthy through exercise, healthy shopping lists, joining a local senior center or going out with friends once a week to eat dinner, bowl, or play cards. There may even come a time when your loved one is ready to consider a romantic relationship. If you find they’re longing for companionship, help them connect with senior-friendly dating sites. Making new social bonds and/or dating after the death of a spouse can be a touchy subject. Is it disrespectful to my spouse’s memory? What will my kids think? How long is long enough to grieve? Every widow and widower has different answers to these questions. In reality, there are no set answers but the will be the topic of a next post.

Daily life will change after the loss of a spouse, but with a little help, it is more than manageable.  Help your loved one come up with ways to take back their independence, and live a fulfilling life comforted by the fact that they have a lifetime of memories to cherish.

(*) Bob Shannon created SeniorsMeet.org, along with his wife, Mary, to have a website that allows seniors to meet up and talk about topics that are relevant to their daily lives. They hope to build SeniorsMeet into a community of like-minded seniors.


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